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I sometimes get the sneaky suspicion that all is not as it should be in my life. I think a lot of this comes from an unsettling disappointment I have about myself. Some of this disappointment is neurotic. Like when I want to impress someone with my intelligence and my words come out all jumbled up or I stutter.
Some of my disappointment is silly. I would love to always look like I just finished up with a GQ photo shoot, looking very charming and debonair.
Then there’s the deeper disappointment that I have a real tuff time with. When I look at my two sons as they play outside on their bikes and I think of the kind of father I want to be for them. I want to make lasting impression on them, so that when they look back on their childhood and they can remember a childhood that came straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. I want to make believe with them, making all their dreams come to life. I want to catch lighting bugs with them in the hot summer nights. I want to take long bike rides with them.
I look at them through the den window as I am on the computer doing schoolwork as they are riding their bikes and I’m reminded of how the day really went. I remember them fighting over who gets to be first on a Wii game and me telling them to be quite so that I can work, to busy to show them how to resolve a conflict. I remembered how stern I got with my youngest son, Nole, when he didn’t do exactly as I told him getting mad and making threats – just because I’m his father and I can. I remember the fear and hurt I saw in his eyes as lashed out at him. I remember instead of catching lighting bugs I hurried them inside to take a bath, so that I could have a moment to myself. I’m so disappointed in myself at times.
I’m also disappointed in myself not just as a father, but also as a husband, son, and friend at times. I know that my life was created for so much more than just being overwhelmed with work and school. I have a purpose in life; I have an opportunity to do something great with my life as we all do.
I am disappointed that I don’t love God more and willfully sin so much against him. I can get insanely jealous if someone I know succeeds more than I. I am disappointed at how petty and shallow I can be at times. I can lead people to believe that I have it all together and yet I feel like at times my world is falling apart.
These are just some of my disappointments. I have darker ones that I am too ashamed to admit, as I’m sure we all do. So why do so many others and I feel this way? Some may say it is a lack of self-esteem, this may be true in part – but as I get a little older and hopefully a little wiser, I believe it is a deeper problem. One that lurks deep within our soul, that we don’t like to admit, which is a failure to be the person God first called me to be.
I feel if I had always pursued God as my two boys pursue life, I would not feel such disappointment as I do. Although as an adult I have forgotten what it was like to dream big dreams as a child. I have forgotten what it is like to give God my all, as my boys do when they play. If I were to do that then I would be in a much better place as a father, husband, son, and friend. I would be more of the man that God first called me to be. So for all my disappointments I am glad my God is a God of second and third chances, so it is my prayer today that I would seize all the little opportunities He has given me to be the person He intended me to be.
Following God’s voice sometimes can be a scary thing if you are not sure it is truly God speaking to you! Especially when you think God is telling you to make a life-changing decision. I often find myself second-guessing whether or not I feel God really talking to me, or just my desire for something to happen. I try to be sensitive to the nudges of the Holy Spirit, but I’m I sensitive enough? I hate to be that guy that says I have heard from God, latter realizing that it was just a bad taco from Taco Bell.
I don’t know what it is about me, but I love to play games with God. Like I will say God if you are really speaking to me, make this happen as a sign that it is really you speaking. Sometimes He complies and yet I still wonder if it is really God. There are other times I say to myself if this is really God speaking then this and this have to line up for me so that I know that it is of God.
Why do I second-guess God? I wish I were more like the men and women of the Bible. But wait a minute I am like them; all throughout the scripture people are second-guessing God. People like Moses and the disciples to name a few. But why, why do we second-guess God? Is it that we think we know more than He does, that we are better suited to handle our life than He?
No. I second-guess God because I am scared of the unknown. Scared of what God might do or might not do. Scared of failure because I did not really hear from God like I thought I did. So I need wisdom, wisdom to be able to discern when God is really talking to me and not just me wanting something to happen in my life. So, this week I pray for the wisdom I need to truly hear God’s voice in my life.
I take comfort in James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him”. I say Lord give me wisdom, please give me wisdom, I sure do need it right now!
I cannot afford one, especially now that my wife and I are one the Dave Ramsey budget. Although I am a tech geek when it comes to electronics, I don’t think I buy one even if I wasn’t on a budget. Why you may ask? Because it cost way too much for me personally to justify it as a Christian. I know a lot of Christians have one and I am not saying they are wrong for owning one. If I made more money and was able to give more freely with my money to those in need, then I would very seriously think about getting one.
Especially now in light of the country’s economic state we find ourselves in, I don’t see how buying a sleek-do-all phone that lets me text and listen to music all at the same time is a worthy purchase. The media and the marketing world have conned us into thinking that these gadgets are a necessity rather than a luxury. If you think about it we made out just fine fifteen, twenty years ago without all that a mobile phone can do now days.
As Christian’s, we should be a little leery about the iPhone and it’s rival the blackberry (know by many as the crackberry) anyway. The Bible talks a great deal about coveting and for some it’s the seduction that draws many of us to want a phone like that in the first place. Because we think it will make our life easier or we see someone else have it and we don’t yet, we purchase the lie so that we will be happier, more available, and more informed. Then once the newness wears off, Apple comes out with a newer version to draw us back into their web.
Then there’s this theme that runs throughout the Bible that says live simply and rely on the Lord. One of the reasons why I think we are called to live simply is so that we can give more to those who are in need. But how can I give if I just laid down $300 for a phone?
I am however a product of my culture. I have a lot of useless crap laying around my house that I bought on a whim. And for the record I think the iPhone is the coolest gadget ever made. So often I find myself not buying the latest and greatest gadget only because I have a thin wallet and not because of my convictions.
For a lot of us Christians who have the lack of funds to buy into the seductive marketing of the iPhone, we might need to ask ourselves – I’m I happy with life? Is a mobile phone really going to make me that much happier with whom I am and how I live my life? Will I really want to hear a chime go off in my pocket letting me know I have an email from my boss? Am I really going to be that much closer to my friends if I can access Facebook anytime I want? Do I need to be a slave to technology? And ultimately is the iPhone going to make me a better person, a person more like Jesus?
Proverbs presents two categories of people: the wise or cautiousbeing and the fool, scoffer, or unwise being. The first one seeks wisdom and loves instruction: the second avoids discipline altogether. Also, each one can be characterized by his or her response to parental and/or other authority, the first brings happiness and enjoyment, the second brings shame, dishonor, and sadness. Proverbs wants the reader to become wise and look down on the foolish and their foolishness. With all this being said, we dive into a very touchy subject for many found in Proverbs 23:29-35, concerning alcohol. Whether you think it is OK or not Ok to partake in alcohol conception, Proverbs is telling us to the effects of alcohol if abused. Alcohol like many other things can be bad for us spiritually, physically, and mentally if abused and missed used.
This is like a short essay within the text against alcohol abuse. Wine is described as dangerous as a snake (v. 32 NKJV), producing hallucinations (v. 33 NKJV), bad language (v. 33 NKJV), and insensitivity (v. 34,35 NKJV). Alcohol can be very appealing and satisfying for many people, alluring many into a foolish life. Proverbs is telling us here to not allow it to take your eyes off God who gives you wisdom for a short fix that ends in destruction. As in all things we are not to abuse things, for it is the abuse of things that always gets us into trouble.
All of Proverbs has a resounding theme if you haven’t caught on yet and that is seek out knowledge. Hold on to it as a precious jewel as we see once again found in Proverbs 24:13-14. I heard a friend the other day say that Proverbs keeps repeating itself over and over again – about be careful not to be foolish and seek out wisdom. Another friend of mine said that the foolish need to hear about wisdom repetitively in order for it to sink in.
I love v.28 of Proverbs chapter 25, it says; “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” In the days of the Bible a city was only as strong as the wall that kept the enemy out. If you had a weak wall the enemy would overtake your city, but a strong wall kept out those that you did not want to come into the city. Just like a man or women that is out of control, with no self-imposed limits is any man. We all need limits, we all need to be cautious and take heed from others!
Finally in Proverbs 26:6-11 & 17-19 we see a vivid list of things that should not be together. Go over these verses and see if there are things in your own life that maybe you are trying to merge together that should not be together, knowing that one does not complement the other. Or in other words are you trying to indulge in a little evil while trying to serve the Lord, you can not do both – it has got to be one or the other.
