Me & my Ego

It was Freudian psychology that really made ego a popular term.  It describes one’s personality and in many cases the guilt that is often times associated with a person’s ego.

I have walked in my fair share of guilt. I have rolled in it. Put it in a backpack and carried it everywhere I went.  Guilt raises its ugly head when I think I am being less than perfect.  And for some reason I trick myself into thinking that beating myself up over coming up short is going to make me feel better. Wrong.

So I turn to my faith often times and say, “Look at how terrible you are. God, I am so sorry I am like this”, is a holy thing.  Why do I continue to participate in the endless cycle of crucifying myself over my guilt?  I remember a person saying, “what you do in any given moment is the best you can do.  If you could have done better, you would have”.  I don’t know if that’s good doctrine or not or just a way of letting yourself off the hook, but for now I am going with that.

It’s hard at times to be sold out to my beliefs and passions because I might fail and if I fail the guilt sets in.  It comes in like a twelve-foot closeout wave, tumbling me in the white water of a wave that I know I should never have tried to surf, until it pushes me onto the shore where I arise out of the water battered and bruised.

Since I am scared of failure, I like to say, “I’ll give it a try”, that’s really just a copout.  I’ll try to love my wife the way God loves the Church, I’ll try to be a good dad, I’ll try to get in shape.”  I have found that “I’ll try” if I’m honest with myself is “I don’t believe I’ve got what it takes to make it happen”.

Really guilt is just the reaction of my Ego.  And when I react to my guilt I am only feeding the uneasiness I already feel.   It is my Ego that is concerned about how others see me.  It is my Ego that makes me O.C.D. in a lot of areas of my life.  It is my Ego that gets pissed when I fail at something.  It is my Ego that is ill logical and it goes like this, “Good Christians never stumble, never sin.  You had a fleeting thought you must not be a good Christian.”

A person’s Ego can make a person do or not do a lot of things out of fear.  Like why can’t I just lay it out there to a good friend that I might have a sin that I am struggling with, why can’t I be more real with others (why can’t we all)?  I only let people know what I want them to know about me no more or no less.  And the times I feel like I can open up to a friend my Ego tells me, “you’ve done it now they think you’re a nut”.  Like a child, my Ego always wants to get it’s way and sadly it usually does.

But I’ve realized something recently when my Ego raises its ugly head, instead of trying to fight it I let it take it’s course. Then I pick up the pieces and move on with my life.  I’ve come to the conclusion that my Ego is part of who I am, for better or worse, and has molded me in many ways into the person I am today.  But I am the owner of my Ego; I don’t have to partake in its silly games if I don’t want to.  And I no longer engage in the nonsense of guilt because I am aware of my Savior’s grace and how he will make time stand still for me if I need it to.

To be free, you have to see yourself as being good enough, today, tomorrow, and even in your not so flattering past.  We have all got to stop saying I’ll be Ok later and realize we are Ok now.

When I fall, I know that God is there for me and the fall doesn’t seem quite as bad.

The next step is to chill out on every body else and let them wrestle with their own Ego.  Maybe I can even share with them a little grace  a long the way.

Created vs. Creator

With all the beauty in the world that God has created for us…

Why do we distort some things that are to be pure and holy?

Why are we drawn to the created things more than the Creator?

Why is it that we let such things control us rule over our lives?

Would we not be better off worshiping the Creator?

Would we not be better off allowing God full control of our lives?

Is not what God created enough without us messing with it?

What would the world be like if we weren’t fallen creatures?

If you can be honest what created thing rules your life?

James chapter 1

In order to understand the book of James, we have to understand the
author and his purpose for writing the book.  First off, it is written
by James, brother of Jesus, and the purpose for his writing is to
encourage his readers that they must be both practical and ethical – in
their Christian walk.  He was tired of how many Christians were
performing their Christian duties out of mindless obligations vs. a love
for Christ.  James wanted his readers to examine their faith to see if
it was genuine or not.  He saw the Gospel as being practical — that we
should take it at face value and not dissect it theologically.  James
wanted his readers to be pure and undefiled in their religion.  The two
main themes coming out of the Gospels:  to seek out personal growth in
Christ and be sensitive to social relationships.  James saw the majority
of Christians as a group of people that try to talk their way into
heaven versus acting as Christians on their way to heaven – being “doers
of the Word”.  

With that background in mind, let’s dive into chapter one.  I want to
spend the majority of my ramblings of chapter one on verses 13-15.  In
verse 13 we see James telling us that we cannot blame God for the
temptation that we encounter.  He tells us that God is not tempted by
evil, so why in the world would He in return try to tempt us if it is
not in His nature.  Then, in verse 14, James says it is by our own
heart’s desires that we respond to the outward enticements of this world
and are tempted.  It is very interesting to note that nowhere in these
verses does he mention or allude to Satan as the one who tempts us.  I
believe it is not James’ intention to explain the origin of sin, but
rather get the point across that it is not God who is enticing us to do
evil.  James’ approach is showing us that temptation is spawned from our
own internal evil desires.  We all know that Satan is the external
source of temptation, but we cannot blame him for the stronghold of
sinful deeds, which lie deep within each individual.  Jesus states in
Mark 7:1-23 that defilement comes from within.  This is heavy stuff I
know, but stuff we all need to know.

In closing we see James’ social part of Christianity in verse 22, where
he says; “…be doers of the word, and not hearers only…”  His point -
that salvation leads to service.  We fool ourselves if we believe that
church attendance is simply to hear the Word and do nothing with it.
Rather, we need to convert what we’ve heard into a real ministry of
action.